My Conversion Story

It all began in March of last year. I had just had my fourth shoulder procedure, and unfortunately things were not going well. I was at physical therapy, and having a heck of a time. My shoulder was in spasms, and the pain was becoming unbearable. I was scared, and I think my therapist was with me in those feelings. Nothing we, actually he tried was helping. Brad then asked if he could pray for me, he knelt down beside me and prayed for me. I remember that I was grateful that I was already in tears from the pain, because then the tears from his act of kindness and faith didn't show. Brad had previously shared with me that he had prayed for me, and was seeking guidance from from the Lord as to how best care for my shoulder. I was very touched that he would do such a thing. His faith touched me.

Soon, Brad and I began to talk a bit during my visits about our beliefs, and being able to share with each other. I remember feeling worried about what questions he might have, but really enjoying these talks. I continued to desire to share and to listen to what he shared with me. Eventually I had enough courage to ask what church he attended. He told me it was a small church in Paradise, Ridge Presbyterian Church. After a couple days of wondering more about his beliefs, I finally decided to google it. Indeed this small church had a huge website! After reading some things, I found that the Sunday sermons were online to listen to. I listened to a couple, then very much out of my character, I left a comment in the comment box. Basically I said that I had a friend (not wanting to go into details) that attended that church, and was grateful for the info online for others to read and listen to, and helping others to come unto Christ. Probably the greater part of my comment was explaining that myself and my husband and our kids were LDS, and how much this was part of our life. My motive in that was that I wanted to make it clear that I was NOT looking for something different! Within a few short minutes, I received an email back from Tom, the Pastor, thanking me for the comment I left. He also asked me who my friend was that went to his church.........uh oh! Now what? I remember not wanting to answer that! Would Tom go to Brad and tell him I was online looking at the church website? What would Brad think? Would he think I wanted to know more? Oh my goodness, what had I done? Well, the next day or so, I answered back and told Tom I knew Brad. I said he was my physical therapist. Over the course of the next several weeks, I continued to listen to the sermons, enjoying them very much. They were very Christ centered and felt I was learning some neat things. BUT, as you can imagine, questions arose, and I finally got brave enough to send another email. Tom and I began to email (surprise for those of you who know Tom...........the email addict) I asked questions, he would answer, usually referring me to the Bible. I studied and would give my reply, defending my beliefs. Weeks would pass that I wouldn't have questions, then one would come up and the answers Tom gave would usually lead to more questions. I was really enjoying the opportunity to learn as well as being able to share some of my own beliefs. It was what I thought was the best missionary experience I had ever had! I remember thinking I wished I could be a full-time LDS missionary! This experience was making me study more than I ever had, and really search for, and pray for answers and understanding. I read and read LDS books trying to understand my own beliefs. Some of the things Tom shared with me made me question some of my own beliefs. I must admit it was not always comfortable. I had some feelings of guilt for questioning what I had been taught, and also had feelings of being disloyal to the LDS church. Many tears of frustration over this were shed. In late summer, I decided I wanted to attend Ridge on a Sunday (Brad had invited me several months before. but he and his family were out of town a lot, so I ended up going without them). Not knowing what to expect, I went alone, leaving Mark and the kids in our home ward. I met Tom and his wife Wendy for the first time. They both warmly welcomed me. I sat with Wendy, and probably had I not, I would have snuck out the back. It was soooo different. I think I used the words, "much more lively" to describe my experience. I remember telling Brad the next day I had gone to his church, and his response was "GET OUT, you did not!". What a warm welcome that was! haha

A couple weeks later, I put my testimony in a Book of Mormon and gave it to Tom. I gave away my first Book of Mormon! Yippee! I was scared to death, but so very excited. I did it! So, around that same time, I gave one to Brad also. I remember giving it to him at therapy, and saying, "I hope you don't hate me." His answer......." We are brothers and sisters in Christ, how could I be upset with you sharing this?" PHEW!

The talks with Brad and the emails with Tom continued. Brad shared a couple books with me that I read, and I remember in late fall I really started to have some questions about my own beliefs. So, naturally, I read and read some more, trying to defend my faith to myself!

In September, our entire family attended Ridge with Brad and his family. This time, knowing a bit more of what to expect, I was more relaxed. As I sat listening to the sermon, I felt the spirit. I was being touched, and why? I wasn't at the "only true church" how could that be? That evening at home, I tearfully sat confused, wondering how I could feel the spirit there! I had a desire to go back, to learn more, but I didn't tell anyone! I didn't want anyone to freak out!

Also in September, I began to attend a women's Bible study in Paradise at Wendy's house. I so clearly remember the first day, for a couple reasons. First off, I pulled up to the house, and being nervous to death, I ran right into their mailbox and broke it off the post! I wanted to die right then. I got out, and walked to the door with a mailbox and a plate of cookies (thank goodness for those cookies!) Here I was the stranger, meeting many ladies for the first time, and I cause property damage! Wendy was very gracious and still let me in! THANK YOU WENDY! The second reason I remember this first study so clearly was that at the end of our study (actually more of an intro into what our study would be like) Wendy asked for those who wanted to, to share any prayer requests. What? What? I sat silently and listened to some need for prayer expressed, as well as some reasons for praise. I was really feeling uneasy! After a time of sharing, the prayers began. A few ladies prayed............and tears began to roll down my cheeks. Even though it was an uneasy feeling, I could strongly feel the spirit. What a sweet experience to share and pray together! OK, so by now, I was a bit more embarrassed.........the mailbox wasn't enough, but I had to lose it too! I'm sure some were wondering who is this and where did she come from? I had instructions from Wendy to please just park in the driveway from now on. The following week, there were orange pylons around the mailbox! Even though I was totally embarrassed, I have to say I felt loved. We only tease those we love, right? OR at least I was hoping that wasn't just my motto! I continued to attend Bible study, and just soaking up God's word! I treasured the time I could spend studying, and learning. Yes, I had questions, but was NOT about to ask ..........I left those to the emails with Tom or Wendy.

By January, I was really beginning to see that I was changing, God was changing me, and opening my eyes to new truths. It was tearing me apart! This couldn't be happening! I was panicking inside, knowing I had learned truth, and realizing they were different than what I had believed for my entire life. I had always for as long as I could remember, stood firm in my beliefs, and they were a huge part of my life! I fought it hard............I didn't want to make this change in my life. How would my new life in Christ fit into our family? How would I tell people? How would I tell Mark and the kids? What was happening? I pleaded with the Lord. I was so scared! BUT I could not deny what God was doing in my life, or deny the truth I had been taught, and had confirmation from the Spirit of its truthfulness. And I couldn't just pretend it hadn't happened! I tried to pretend for a while, and it wasn't working. I felt I was living a lie, and couldn't continue in that!

At the end of February, I shared with a few people including Mark what I was going through. Although, I had not made a final decision, I think in my heart, I knew what it would be........I would be leaving the LDS church. It has been a long hard few weeks since then, but I have to share that I have never known such joy and peace about something before. I KNOW I am doing God's will for me. I realize many will not agree with my decision, and that's ok! I respect the fact that we are all in different places, and that God will lead our lives differently.

In the past I have always carried a great burden of feeling I needed to do more, needed to be more, all these need tos..........to gain salvation, to gain exaltation, to earn God's love for me. If only I were a better visiting teacher, if only I had spiritual family home evenings, if only I studied more, if only I attended the temple more often, and the list goes on. I was constantly comparing myself to those that I saw as doing better, doing more, and it was depressing. I hated the feeling of falling short continuously. No, no one ever told me I wasn't doing enough, but inside this is how I felt. When lessons were given in church, I would inside beat myself up for not measuring up to the ideal LDS woman, mother, sister, and wife!

A marvelous change has taken place in me, that has been a work of the Spirit. I now realize and understand that I am a sinner, I do fall short, and that my works are filthy rags. I "bring nothing to the table". Christ's work on the cross was sufficient, he has me! There is nothing I can do to contribute to what he already did. He died for me, and through my faith in him, I am reconciled to God. I worship a God who doesn't just make up for what I can't do, but covers it ALL! Even though I was dead in my trespasses, by his love, he died and made me alive with Him. He doesn't just fill in our gaps, he is bigger than that, He did it all. His love for me was so great, and because of his love for me, I desire to live a life that reflects his love. It's not a matter of me earning his love by doing, but rather doing because I HAVE his love. He has worked a mighty change in me, and I stand all amazed! I have a new relationship with Jesus that I didn't know could exist. I thought for years that I knew Jesus, but I now realize I only knew of him, I only knew a tiny tip of the iceberg. I am so excited, and look forward to continuing to learn and grow.

Several months ago, I had a very significant dream. I dreamed that I was in a large room with a tile floor. I was standing still and all of a sudden without warning, every tile around me crumbled and fell. All I could see was a black pit around me. The tile I stood on was unaffected. I was not scared at all, I felt very safe. I realized that this dream is a picture of my life. The ONE tile I stood on is the rock of MY SAVIOR! I don't need the other tiles..... HE has me and I know I am secure in HIM! HE is all I need!

Like those who are new to the LDS church, who are newly baptized, everyone realizes they don't have all the answers. But recognizes that they have been taught by the spirit, and that they will continue to learn and grow. Well, this is where I am in my journey .....1 Peter 2:2-3 says, "Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation— if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good." I have tasted this pure spiritual milk and the LORD is good!

I do not want to or intend on proving to anyone that I am right, and someone else is wrong. I just wanted to share my journey with you, so that you may hear and maybe understand a bit of the decisions I have made. As I have said, I have such a peace and joy in my life that I have never before known. Philippians 4:7 says that the peace of God surpasses all understanding. Indeed it does. I rest in that peace daily, knowing the Holy Spirit has done a great change in me, and that I am alive in Christ.


I want to share the words to a beautiful song that I feel portray my feelings.

IN CHRIST ALONE
In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song,
My cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My comforter, my all in all
Here in the love of Christ I stand.
In Christ alone, who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe,
This gift of love, and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save,
'Till on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied,
For ev'ry sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live.
There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain.
Then, bursting forth in glorious day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Brought with the precious blood of Christ.
No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the pow'r of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny,
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the pow'r of Christ I stand.

MY HOPE LIES IN JESUS..........HE IS MY PROPHET, PRIEST AND KING!

If you are interested in poking around the website of the church I attend, the site is http://www.ridgeparadise.org/ Feel free to roam the site. There are a lot of great things to read and listen to! And who knows, maybe something will touch you, and you can come to learn and understand what I have come to learn. God can do marvelous things in your life, as he has done in mine! Just let HIM in.